Again CNN has succeeded in pissing me off by insulting my intelligence.

This morning the assinine CNN weatherman was going on and on about some large storm heading straight for California. It is supposed to be one of the most intense weather events in recent history. After he made a big to-do about the whole thing he performed the usual tackily cheerful and not at all sincere second-rate segue: "Back to you Paula!"

Then Paula Zahn (or however you spell her name--I dont particularly care) feigned concern and said, "Gee, I sure hope that thing calms down before it hits California."

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

First off Paula: If you are wishing for anything its for the storm to grow more intense, hit california like a brick on an egg and wipe out everything in sight. You are a reporter, you report news. AKA: You make a living off of exploiting human misery, whatever form it may take. As a reporter you have to think about job security. Some weeks the news just seems to drag on and on because nothing important (at least, nothing CNN THINKS is important) is going on anywhere so you guys have the painful task of making news out of nothing. Suddenly, every once in a while, you get something really good and your ratings go through the roof, advertisers pay outrageous fees to occupy your airspace, money comes in like manna from heaven, and despite the mock empathy you try to show we can all see you doing your best not to stand up and laud the fact that someone somewhere is in a lot of pain. So, next time a storm is on its way to california, or people are being burned to death in a blazing hotel, or a couple planes run into a few skyscrapers killing thousands, please, BE HONEST and drop to the ground and thank God above you live in a society where you can make money pushing camera lenses and microphones into the faces of the suffering for the sake of that "money shot."

The following is a list of short quotes that have made enough of an impression on me as to deserve rememberance:

"If time travel were possible, we would be innundated with tourists from the future."--Stephen Hawking

"We're moving along at the speed of 'C'"--a classmate (in reference to fast motion)

"If the student catches you when you are in the wrong, just reply to them, 'well, that may be true, but if you look at things in a BROADER context....'"--a professor.

(a second professor, in reference to the above) "Why not just do what I do and tell them, 'well, that's not really pertinent to this course."

"West Nile virus is the result of a conspiracy on behalf of the Illinois State Legislature attempting to destroy the political non-elite."--my mother, YES, my mother.

"...because I am a WHORE."--a friend

"You typed, 'diversity' where you were supposed to type, 'adversity."
"Perhaps in my mind they are one in the same."--a conversation

"I'm even more fun after the party!"--a professor

"Ill try anything with a detached air of superiority"--The Onion

I am at liberty to amend this list at any time

A few years back when I was more of an idealist than I am now, I joined the United States Communist Party. After about a week of membership I learned how impotent the party really was. After about a year of reflection I learned that Communism would never work. However, as a birthday present a friend of mine created a little film for me in honor of my new party affiliation. To this day it remains one of the best birthday presents I have ever received. The link to it is here:

http://www.robbieaugspurger.com/rsms/manifesto.htm