Last night I went to a party. Some guy named Scott, I dunno who the hell he was but some friends of mine did and it was free booze and food so it was all good. Anyhow, I drank a couple glasses of Rum and listened to just about the queeniest faggots I have ever seen go on to me about religion and gonads and strife and, of course, other people. It was a good time but I tired of it after about two hours so I gave my friend the signal and we headed out of there pretty quickly.

We got back to the dorm parking lot and we were walking across a stream on a bridge, talking. The conversation was pretty heated and at one point we stopped and we talking to each other. This red-headed hippie-looking guy walked past us as we started walking again. I think he had been listening to our conversation for a little bit of time now. He chuckled under his breath and I turned and looked at him, and he was giving me this smug little smart-ass smile. I stared him down the whole time he walked past us and he kept giving me that smug smile; just begging me to take everything to the next level. Maybe it was the rum, maybe it is because I am an angry person; most likely it was a combination of the two, but I started for him.

My friend restrained me, and I kept trying to break away from him. I noticed the red-headed little shit had quickened his pace, and I broke free again and started for him, asking him if he really wanted what he was asking for. I made him aware I was at least twice as big as he is and would be able to take him down in an instant, without even having to breathe hard. Again my friend caught up to me and restrained me.

The same sort of thing happened a couple times before that little shit rounded the corner of his building and entered the safety of his cozy little irish pale-skinned cave-dwelling dorm room.

In retrospect, wow. I was really pissed off over a smile and a chuckle. I totally lost it. Was it the smile and snickering laughter? Was it just time for me to break? Was that really a break or is there something more severe waiting for me in the future? I honestly think had I thought of it at the time, I would have hurled a stone at the guy's head as hard and as accurately as I could. Do I wanna be that kind of drunk? How long can I keep that sort of thing up? Do I react to rum the same way I react to whiskey? Maybe I should stick to the vodka and stay away from anything else.

Well, not ANYTHING ELSE. Beer, gin and wine do not make me violent or upset.

Its the next morning now and I am still reeling. I am typically such a passive, non-violent person. In a way, I feel happy. I know that little twerp was running with his tail between his legs. But I also feel like there is a problem. I have to get help. My entertainment of violent fantasies and scenarios cannot be healthy, and last night was an incident of a time when I lacked the inhibition to keep a time of rage under control. Luckily for me I had a friend there to restrain me. Next time I might not, and that will spell disaster for my academic and post-graduate careers.

If you have any input, please write me or leave a comment. Thsi is one my head is really sorta swimming about. Thanks.